Coffee & Naughty Thoughts

Author Linda Bolton - Writer, Blogger

Can A Marriage Last Over Twenty Years?

Newlyweds are always so happy and in love. They’ll do anything for each other and love being around one another. What makes them change after twenty years of marriage?

You know what I mean…we’ve all have seen it. The couple that meets in high school or college, gets married and lives happily ever after…NOT! What happens? I see it all the time. I can’t tell you how many friends I have that have been married 20+ years, divorce, or cheat on one another. What causes this shift from “You’re the only one for me” to “I don’t find you attractive anymore” or “Can you hurry up and get this over with”?

I know down the road in our marriages we become grown-ups, with grown-up stress. We all know how difficult it is to take care of the kids, work 40+ hours a week, get the car fixed, buy a new air conditioner and still love to be around each other. But is that couple still in love? Can they find romance after the kids go to bed? When you’ve gained 30, 50 or more pounds will they still find you attractive? When the wrinkles and grey hair (or lack of hair) arrive, do they still kiss you?

I’ve talked to many friends in this situation.  When your spouse says they don’t find you attractive anymore because you’ve gained too much weight or lost your hair, what do you do? When you feel like you have nothing in common and rarely do anything together anymore, how do you change it? How do you get back what you had?

I do have one friend that had empty nest. She and her spouse struggled. They came to the realization that it was going to take a lot of work to keep their marriage together.  So, how committed are you? Do you truly love your spouse? Are you looking at them and thinking how you really want to make it another 20+ years? Your task, should you choose to accept it, is to find out if your spouse is as committed as you are.  What happens if they aren’t? That’s a bridge you may have to cross, but if you’re already unhappy, you’re already at the entrance. It can’t hurt to find out if your spouse feels the same as you do. If they do, work on it, with all your heart and soul, like you did when you dated years ago. If they don’t….      

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2 Comments

  1. I have a number of friends who have been married 30 years or more and some have surprised me that they made it. If my 2nd wife and I had stayed married we’d be in our 30th year and I would have been happy with that, but apparently she wasn’t and moved on 20 years ago. My present wife and I have been married for 15 years and I hope it stays that way. But you never really know for sure. That’s what I’ve found out in relationships. Now I’m too old for any more surprises so I hope I don’t get any more–at least the ones involving ending a marriage.

    Lee
    An A to Z Co-Host
    Tossing It Out

  2. We just celebrated our 27th year together. It has been a rocky road, I won’t lie. He ws my high school sweetheart, an American mix of Scots and american Indian, so he pegs my rahr meter even now that his hairline is at the top of his head. I can’t really say anything about that, as mine has gone white – being that I’m so wise and all. (yeah right) I think my weight gain – and it was more than 30 or 40 pounds affected me more than him. I see everything through “fat” glasses, and it colors how I view myself. Financial issues, responsibilites, and just the daily grind can certainly take a toll on any marriage. We haven’t given up yet, marriage is work. The bottom line – he is my soul mate; and even though he can get on my last nerve I love him with all that I am. We just keep working on it one day at a time.

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