Coffee & Naughty Thoughts

Author Linda Bolton - Writer, Blogger

Category: Dating

Are you looking for ways to enjoy your mid-life and beyond?

Let’s face it, being over forty is inevitable. Sixty sneaks up before you know it. Are you ready for what lies ahead?

I met two really awesome women recently who are letting me be part of a project very near and dear to their hearts. It’s a new YouTube show starting February 14th, Valentine’s Day. It’s called 60 with a Splash of Splendor. No I’m not 60 yet but the show isn’t just for sixty year olds and up, it’s for everyone.

Liz and Lexi’s goal is to inform in a casual fun way. Not to say every show will be a party but the information they are sharing is useful to all ages, women and men.

60 with a Splash of Splendor

60 with a Splash of Splendor

Why a show called 60 with a Splash of Splendor?  Well, because there isn’t anything like it out there.  Liz was googling and looking on YouTube for information geared toward the sixty year old and up. She couldn’t find anything.  In her frustration she decided to do something about it. 60 with a Splash of Splendor was born.

I was lucky enough to get involved because Liz loves my books. She asked if I’d be the resident romance advice gal. I couldn’t say no! They are amazing women with a great message to share.

60 with a Splash of Splendor will cover topics such as:

  • What is Romance
  • Sex after 60
  • Online Dating Safety
  • Health and Fitness

These topics fit any age, event the Sex after 60 segment. I think you’ll really find this a great show. I’ll be posting links to the show here and on social media. The segments are only fifteen to twenty minutes. I know you’ll just love them!

Friend them on Facebook to get updates!  www.facebook.com  search Liz N Lexi

 

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Do You Need a Holiday “Plus One”?

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The holidays are coming and you’re single. Are you looking for a date for those Christmas and New Year’s Eve parties. Comment below and let me know if you’re looking for that “Plus One”.

I know it’s October (close enough) but have you started stressing about who you’ll take to the company Christmas party, Aunt Mary’s Pre-New Year’s family gathering or to the Rockin’ New Year’s Eve party downtown? What’s the cause of your stress?

I know, you’re over forty and your sister found the love of her life at thirty. Mom and Dad are wondering when you’ll settle down. Aunt Mary gives you a hard time at every family event because you can’t seem to find Mr (or Miss) Right. Your friends are all going to have significant others with them for New Year’s Eve. Who will you kiss at midnight?

You’re probably expecting me to make suggestions where you can find a great date. Sorry to disappoint you but I’m going to give you the opposite advice – Be Brave and Be Single. That’s right, go without your “Plus One” this year.

You’re probably thinking, “Wha?” That’s right, No Date! Surprise! Why, you ask? Because, in my experience, this is the worst time to try to find that someone special. The holidays are stressful enough and then you add trying to figure out if Joe Blow’s (or Jane) bad habits are tolerable. Rather than beginning to date someone you really shouldn’t be, go to the parties alone and hold your head up high. Think about it, you need a date for Aunt Mary’s family hoopla. You take this guy that, under less stressful circumstances, you wouldn’t normally date more than once, but you don’t want to hear Aunt Mary complaining that “You’re still single?” How much more embarrassing it to have a very public argument in front of family or Aunt Mary calling a week later to invite you two for dinner and you have to tell her you’ve broke up? You don’t think she’ll let that die quietly, do you?

What do you think? Are you going to be brave and go to your parties single? Or do you want to risk a public breakup before midnight on December 31st? Tell me what you’ve decided.

 

 

 

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How to have Success with Online Dating

me and curtis

 

I have quite a few friends dating in their 40’s and 50’s. I was just a year ago. Where do you go to meet people? Do you rely on your friends to introduce you to someone? Do  you try old flames on social networking sites? Or do you try online dating? Leave a comment below and tell me what you did.

I tried online dating. It was an experience. Was it all bad? No. I made a really good friend and we still chat and keep in touch. Did I think I’d find Mr Right there? For awhile…

I tried a number of sites – Match.com, OKCupid, Plenty of Fish, Farmers Only, eHarmony, and a few I don’t remember. They’re all about the same. Men looking for that special woman, men looking for a few hot dates, men looking but not sure what they’re looking for. I’m sure it’s the same for men – women looking…

As I’ve talked to friends, male and female, we’ve all learned a few things along the way as we’ve online dated. First, there is no magic or fireworks when you meet. I’m not sure if it’s because you fear meeting face to face (it is a kind of blind date no matter how much  chatting online and phone calls you’ve had) or if it’s the years of cynicism, maybe a bit of both. I’m not saying it can never happen, I’ve just found that most relationships, mature relationships, take time. Do either of you have children or grandchildren? How much time do you spend with them? Are you super independent and need alone time? Are you a bit needy and like to spend all your available time with your significant other? What kind of baggage are you bringing from your past relationships? All these things come into play when you start dating. It’s a lot to consider and talking about the most important aspects early on eliminates months of dating the wrong person.

Second, you need to decide beforehand, how many dates you’ll give the relationship before you give up. Not every meeting is meant to be. He may be great on the phone or via online chat, but in person he could be a dud. I had a few. My rule was three dates. First date was usually awkward and didn’t last more than a couple of hours. Second date is more like a real date. Dinner, coffee, dancing or a movie, a walk along the lake. This is where you talk more on a personal level, feel each other out. If it goes well, and phone calls are going well, the third date is usually the relaxing date. This is where some of the bad habits come out, for both of you. Maybe it’s dinner at your house or a barbecue at his buddy’s where you meet his friends. At the end of this date is where you go home and assess if you think it’s worth pursuing.

Third, what are you rules on sex. As mature adults, I don’t care whether the site is religious based or not, sex comes up. What are your rules or boundaries? You know it’s going to go there. If you’re both in your 40’s or he’s in his 50’s, you’re wondering if things work like they should. Let’s be honest, women in their 40’s and 50’s, especially single women, are wanting more sex, more than they did at 20. And we remember how the guys were like rabbits at 20, driving us nuts, but are they still interested at 50? Do they need a little blue pill (nothing wrong with that, by the way) or have they totally lost the drive (low T)? These are things you need to know. Is he a kinky stud or a dull dud? I’m not saying you should hop into bed with every guy you date (use protection from STDs if you do) but I’m also not saying you should believe everything they say either.

From experience I have found what a guy says about his sex drive is what it was at 20. He’s not lying, he still sees himself as that young guy. Besides, what are you saying? Everyday sex sounds fun until you live together and life waps you up side your face. We all get tired after a long work day. When you’re dating, you’re limited on the time you see each other. You bump like bunnies. But once you’re under the same roof, life happens. You see each other everyday. That burst of energy you used to get when you saw each other just isn’t that explosive on a day to day basis. Reality…It’s good to discuss what each others real expectations are.

So, now you might be thinking online dating sounds too scary or complicated, what other options do you have? Well, your friends may know someone, you may find an old flame on social networking in your area (I did) or you could try Meetups. Meetups are groups of people with a common hobby or interest that get together at various times during the month. You can bring a girlfriend and avoid meeting anyone or be brave and introduce yourself to the new crowd. They meet in various locations, you just have to find one that suits you. There’s also match makers. They learn about you and match you to someone else they represent. These can be vary costly and you still may not find Mr/Mrs Right.

It’s a crap shoot! Be in the right place at the right time and maybe you’ll meet the right one. The best part, it’s an adventure!

Have you online dated? Did you find Mr/Mrs Right? I’d love to hear your experiences! Share in the comment box below.

 

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